Talking to your children about emotions — especially your teenagers — can feel like a daunting task. But what if it starts with something as simple as watching a movie together?
Pixar’s “Inside Out 2” and the original “Inside Out” tell the story of a girl named Riley and the emotions guiding her. In the first movie, Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust were running the show. But in the second movie, as Riley moves into her teenage years and through puberty, some new emotions show up: Anxiety, Embarrassment, Ennui (or Boredom/Blah) and Envy.
“Just as kids get taller and learn new skills as they grow up, they must also learn to navigate new emotions,” says Heather Partridge, a behavioral health counselor at Tidelands Health Family Medicine at Holmestown Road in Myrtle Beach.
Parents can be instrumental in helping their children learn to identify and talk about the things that they’re feeling. Otherwise, unchecked emotions may lead to behavioral or mental health concerns down the road. That’s where a movie like “Inside Out 2” can come in — it can help visualize and articulate things that we’ve all felt, but may not know how to discuss.
Here are tips to help families talk about some of these big emotions:
Anxiety
Anxiety, in particular, poses a problem for Riley in “Inside Out 2” as she navigates friendships and new emotions. It causes her to make decisions she normally wouldn’t.
It’s something a lot of kids can likely identify with. Researchers estimate that 20.5 percent of children and adolescents worldwide struggle with anxiety symptoms, which is a sharp increase from before the COVID-19 pandemic.
“A little anxiety isn’t a bad thing. It’s good to have internal alarm bells warning you in case there’s a problem,” Partridge says. “But it becomes an issue when it interferes with everyday life.”
Parents can help their children get to the root of why something is causing anxiety and figure out how best to alleviate it. Gently ask questions about how they feel, what they’re thinking and why they think those things. By getting your children talking, sometimes you can help them alleviate some of those feelings.
Ennui
Ennui is another word for boredom or disinterest. It could come out as your children complaining there’s nothing to do or your teenagers telling you they don’t like their favorite video game anymore. Sometimes, Ennui can be a defense mechanism for teens.
“It’s normal for teenagers to feel or act ‘too cool’ for something, and it’s normal for them to need a lot of sleep,” Partridge says. “But as a parent, it’s good to watch for signs like exhaustion beyond their activity level, or losing interest in things they previously loved to do. That can be a sign that something else is going on.”
If parents notice this type of emotion reigning in their children, it can be a good time to help set new boundaries. If they seem bored, help them figure out a good change of scenery or activity. But keep in mind, some boredom is a good thing as it helps children develop skills, creativity and self-esteem.
If they seem disinterested, get them to help you understand why.
Envy
Young kids can feel jealousy as well, but it can reach new heights as they grow into their teenage years.
They may look at something someone else has and wonder why they can’t have it.
It can be a good opportunity for parents to open up to kids about what it was like for them growing up. Things have changed a lot thanks to technology, but some things are the same. And it’s good for kids to know that things like envy aren’t the end of the world.
“Kids want to know they’re not alone,” Partridge says. “Hearing empathy and compassion from an adult they trust can make a huge difference in their current outlook.”
Embarrassment
In “Inside Out 2,” Embarrassment is depicted as big, shy and prone to hiding his face in his hoodie – a move you may have seen your child do a few times. As kids grow older and become more aware of the world around them, they begin to wonder how they’re being perceived by other people. This sensitivity can lead to feeling embarrassed.
It’s a big feeling for new teenagers, but parents can help. It’s often your first instinct to downplay the embarrassing situation. Instead, help your children feel heard by not brushing off the emotion. Then, help them put the faux pas into perspective. Staying level-headed can help them work through the feeling quicker. But follow your child’s lead.
“Sometimes, kids just won’t want to talk about it,” Partridge says. “Part of growing up is allowing them that space to calm themselves down.”
As children go through puberty, they are dealing with physical changes, as well as emotional changes.
According to Partridge, mood swings, irritability, personality changes and increased sensitivity are all common during this time. However, if their behavior is disruptive to themselves or others, it may be time to talk to a qualified care provider.